Identifying your sexuality takes time and self-exploration. Many people don’t know if they are lesbians until their adult years.
Luckily, there are some signs you can look for to help determine your sexual orientation. Here are a few ways to know you re a lesbian: 1. You’re attracted to women.
1. You’re attracted to women
One of the biggest indicators that you may be a lesbian is if you are attracted to women. If you find yourself daydreaming about kissing a woman or watching a movie where the female lead is absolutely stunning, this is a sign that you are attracted to women.
If you’re attracted to women, it’s a good idea to start paying attention to how you interact with them. Do you find yourself glancing at women as they walk down the street or do your eyes linger on the shape of their butt in those jeans? Are you constantly checking out girls and ignoring the boys?
You also may be a lesbian if your social circle is filled with women or you feel most at home in a group of queer friends. Maybe you’ve gone down a rabbit hole on TikTok lesbian content or binged every episode of The L Word. You’ve been reading memoirs by LGBTQ writers and following lesbian couples on Instagram.
Of course, there is no definitive way to know for sure if you are a lesbian, but the points above can help. You’ll probably know for yourself when you get to a point where you can’t deny it anymore. For many people, discovering their sexual orientation can be a difficult journey, but it’s important to be honest with yourself and never force yourself into a life that isn’t authentically you.
2. You feel more at home at a lesbian bar than at a straight bar
Embracing your sexuality and feeling comfortable in your own skin is a huge deal. It’s not like you can just tell all the people in your life right away — that takes time and can be an emotional journey. But once you feel at home in queer spaces, you’re hooked. Maybe you can’t stop binging lesbian TikTok videos, or watching romantic comedies that revolve around a cute butch best friend. You probably want to cut your hair ultra short, even though it makes you look “butch” and blast old Melissa Etheridge songs on road trips.
But you also feel a lot more at home in a gay bar than a straight one. That’s because straight bars are designed for men and tend to cater to their needs. Women are often let into clubs first, not required to pay cover charges or bottle service, and given the freedom to dance in a way that doesn’t cause the bar to go bankrupt.
But those days are fading away, thanks to greater LGBTQ acceptance and the advent of dating apps. Some believe the Covid-19 pandemic has also contributed to declining numbers at LGBT spaces, and that gentrification has forced many of them out of business. For many, including Krista Burton, the author of Moby Dyke: An Obsessive Quest to Track Down America’s Last Lesbian Bars (out now), these closings are more than just heartbreaking — they’re an assault on gender autonomy.
3. You don’t find yourself sexually attracted to any gender other than women
If your sexual orientation is female-based, and you’re not attracted to any other gender, then it could be time to say hello to your inner lesbian. However, keep in mind that your sexuality isn’t necessarily fixed at one point in life and you may discover that you are bisexual, pansexual, or something else entirely.
Perhaps you’ve had a fling with a woman that you really enjoyed. You found the experience a lot more sensual than any flings you’ve had with men, and you secretly know that you’re attracted to women. However, you tell everyone that you’re straight and you only date men because that’s what’s expected of you in your social circle.
You might find yourself watching a film or TV show where there’s a lesbian relationship or sex scene, or you spend some time looking at pictures of women in your friends’ Instagram feeds. Maybe you’re even starting to fantasize about having lesbian sex, even though you wouldn’t dream of doing it IRL. The good news is, it’s 100% normal to question your sexuality at some point. It just takes some time to work out where you fit on the spectrum! Taking the time to explore your sexuality can help you grow as a person. Just don’t let your fears stop you from doing it! Learn all you can about the lesbian community, and you’ll soon figure out where you fit in.
4. You don’t have any sexual feelings for men
If you have no sexual feelings for men, it’s likely that you’re a lesbian. However, don’t forget that some people who are gay have been attracted to men at one point in their lives. However, that doesn’t mean that they are now a lesbian. The important thing to remember is that your feelings are more telling than the way you’ve acted in your past.
Another good sign that you’re a lesbian is that you only fantasize about women. While it’s normal to fantasize about men sometimes, if you find yourself doing it more often than you do about women, it may be a sign that you’re a lesbian.
You may also notice that you’re a lesbian if your friends call you “Lez.” Of course, you can still be a lesbian even if you’ve never kissed or had sex with a woman. However, if you’ve already kissed a woman and enjoyed it, that’s a good sign that you’re a lesbian.
Figuring out your sexuality is a personal journey that takes time. Some people never work out their sexuality, but it’s worth putting in the effort to figure it out for yourself so that you can live your best life. If you’re ready to start that journey, keep an eye out for these signs that you’re a lesbian. Then you can start living your life authentically and being your true self.
