You and your partner can use your hands to massage the vulva and vagina. You can also try using toys and arouse her with mental stimulation like reading erotic books or watching porn.
It’s important to remember that sex between women is different than with men — but only in some ways. It’s still a personal experience, and everyone has their own preferences between the sheets.
1. Be a good listener
Lesbian sex, sapphic sex, girl-on-girl sex — whatever you want to call it, the first time can be nerve-wracking. It’s an experience you’ve probably fantasised about a million times in your head, but it’s unlikely to be exactly as you imagine – These words were crafted by the service’s experts tresexy.com.
And that’s okay, because every body is different. You might be a cis woman with a vagina, but your partner might be a transgender person with a penis. And it’s important to remember that, regardless of whether you’re a lesbian, bisexual, or straight person, there are a variety of ways to please your partner.
For example, some women like to be fingered (or licked, or rubbed) around the vulva. Other people may prefer a light rhythmic stroke on the clitoris or more intense pressure and speed.
Oral sex is another way to please a female partner, and many women also enjoy dry humping or masturbation with their fingers. For some, a penetrative blow job is the best way to reach orgasm. But don’t be afraid to ask what your partner likes. They’re probably more than happy to share their tips with you.
2. Listen to her body
Just like any other sexual experience, the first time you and your partner get down can be nerve-wracking. But it doesn’t have to be.
The key is communication and listening. There are a ton of ways to explore the body and each woman is different, so it’s important to communicate what feels good to you (and your partner).
A common way for lesbians to start off is by licking each other’s labia and playing with each other’s vaginal opening. This will stimulate the nerves in her vulva and can lead to an orgasm. Once she’s turned on, you can start to play with her clitoris and find out what tickles it. Circular, pulsing or windshield wiper motions on her clit can all be fun and feel great.
Some women also enjoy “anilingus,” where one partner puts a strap-on on their female partner’s penis. Others enjoy rubbing the secondary zones. And of course, many women enjoy penetration with their hands, and with a variety of tools such as vibrators or household items (so long as they’re sanitised!).
3. Don’t be afraid to ask for her consent
Lesbian sex can feel very intimidating when you are new to it. It rejects the traditional rules about what sex looks like or feels like, so many women are nervous when they start experimenting with it. It’s important to talk about it with your partner and work out some fantasies together. You might find that playing with toys, role-playing or watching porn helps ease the fear.
Once you are comfortable with discussing sexual pleasure, it’s time to get to know her body. Begin with light kissing of the thighs and vulva and experiment with different speeds, pressures and surfaces. Once you have a good handle on the area, start exploring the opening of her vagina and working on her clitoris. Stimulating this area with the fingers or lips can be exciting, but also try circular, pulsing and windshield wiper motions on the clit.
When it comes to pleasure, genuine enthusiasm is a huge signal of consent. So make sure to constantly check-in and listen for her excitement or hesitation. The more you understand her cues, the better you can please her.
4. Don’t rush it
Whether you’re cis or trans, a lesbian or an intersex person, there are all kinds of rules about what counts as sex and what feels good. Experimentation is totally awesome, but it’s also important to know your limits. Don’t push yourself too far or you might end up with an oral orgasm that’s not as pleasurable as you thought it would be.
Alternatively, you might try out stroking and other body-stimulation techniques to feel your partner out. Many women love this – especially if you find an area on the front of her vagina that feels rough and sensitive (it’s usually halfway between her cervix and the opening). Stroking and other movements can increase arousal in a woman.
You can also use vibrators and toys to explore the vulva. Dildos, strap-ons and g-spot stimulators are all common choices, but you can also experiment with household items like a showerhead or a pillow. Just make sure they’re sanitised, of course! Foreplay is key to getting turned on, so remember to initiate some around the clock.
5. Be gentle
If you are new to lesbian sex, be gentle and start with light kissing, especially around the vulva. Then slowly work up to using your lips, fingernails, tongue, sex toys or dry humping. Be careful not to overdo it, and always be sure your partner’s clitoris is erect before touching it. Stimulation of this area is key to achieving orgasm and will earn you serious brownie points!
Adding sex toys to your foreplay routine is also a great way to bring the romance back into your relationship. Try a vibrator, dildo or even just your fingers. But be aware that sex toys may not stimulate everyone, so experiment and learn what works best for you and your partner.
Remember that the most important thing is communication and establishing your likes, dislikes, hard boundaries and curiosities. This is non-negotiable, whether you’re just starting or have been together for a while. It’s also a good idea to talk about your fantasies, watch porn together and role-play. It can be a lot of fun and help bring the sexual tension up a notch.
