A second date is a huge step forward in the relationship game. Hopefully, it will help you figure out whether or not this person is a good fit for you.
However, it’s important to remember that the second date isn’t just version 2.0 of the first date. Here are a few things to keep in mind when planning your second date:.
1. Be yourself
In order to impress on a first date, both parties tend to be on their best behavior. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but on a second date, you can relax and be more yourself. If you’re able to be yourself, your date will appreciate it.
This doesn’t mean you should be a complete idiot, but a little bit of humility goes a long way. Laurel Steinberg, a sex and relationship therapist, suggests sharing a vulnerable side to show your date that you’re a real person. Doing so can help your date see a different side of you and can lead to deep conversations.
Also, don’t be afraid to bring up topics that you avoided on the first date. For example, if you avoided talking about your ex on the first date, it’s okay to mention them on a second date. Just make sure to do it in a light-hearted way.
Intimacy is also more likely to come up on a second date, but it’s important to be aware of your surroundings and how comfortable your date is with you touching them. It’s a good idea to ask if they’re okay with you holding hands before doing so. You could even ask if they’re comfortable with you leaning in to kiss them on the cheek or crossing your legs in their direction.
2. Don’t be too serious
If he agreed to go on a second date, chances are good that he enjoyed your first meeting. That’s a solid sign, and it’s a great starting point for you to figure out whether you have chemistry or not.
However, many people take this second date too seriously. They get a little too eager to turn this into a relationship and try to force it to work. The key is to let the chemistry develop naturally and not put too much pressure on it.
Instead of trying to create chemistry by planning an elaborate date, try focusing on building a connection with each other. For example, if he mentioned on your first date that he loves the marshmallow candy Peeps, then why not use this as an opportunity to bond with him? You could plan a “Peeps scavenger hunt” that involves going to every drugstore in your area and picking up all of the different flavors.
This shows that you’re interested in him and makes him feel comfortable around you. If you’re laughing at his bad jokes and he’s laughing with you, that’s a great sign of a budding relationship. Similarly, if you don’t find him irritating, that’s also a big step forward in the relationship.
3. Keep it low-key
Your first date was probably more formal, but you should relax a bit for your second one. Don’t plan a fancy dinner or an outing that requires you to talk over loud music, and instead choose something more casual like going bowling or horse riding. This will let your date know that you pay attention to their interests and have a genuine interest in them.
You can also use the second date to get to know your date better by asking deeper questions about themselves. For example, if they mentioned liking a particular genre of music on the first date, you can take them to see that kind of live music. It will be a fun way to bond and show that you are a thoughtful, interesting person.
Similarly, you can ask your date about their family life on the second date. This might have seemed too personal on the first date, but it can be a great way to learn more about their family values and see if they are someone you would want in your life.
Physical intimacy can be a natural topic on the second date. But before you try to touch your date in any way, make sure they are comfortable with it by talking about it before hand. For example, you could ask if they are ok with holding hands or sitting close together in a restaurant. This will help to build trust between you and set clear expectations for the future of your relationship.
4. Don’t be afraid to ask for a third date
The second date can be a very important turning point for your budding relationship. It’s a chance for you to find out how serious they are about a potential future with you, and it’s also an opportunity for them to see if your lifestyle and goals align.
That’s why it’s important to be yourself on the second date, and not to censor yourself too much. If you’re too nervous, they may think you’re not interested in them and might decide to move on. On the other hand, if you’re overly confident and dominant on your date, they might feel threatened and decide to end things sooner than you want.
To avoid this, try to plan a date that is a little out of the ordinary. For example, you could go bowling or on a hike to show them another side of your personality. Or, you can head to a museum or escape room to test their intellect and critical thinking skills.
The second date is a great time to start asking questions about their past. You can ask them what their passions are and if they have any hobbies that they’re into. However, you should only ask about their past relationships if they are comfortable talking about them. Otherwise, you might come off as nosy. A good rule of thumb is to only talk about the past when you have a strong feeling that the person wants a commitment with you.
